Happy Mothers' Day!

I know many amazing mothers, and I am grateful for the example and influence of all of the women who take a "motherly" role in my life. But, I am especially grateful this Mothers' Day for two mothers in particular.

My own mother is my model - the person I think of in almost every respect when I think of the mother I want to be. She has modeled to me how to be patient when your children perhaps don't deserve patience, how to sacrifice and put your children's needs first, how to smile through the hard times, and how to make everyone around you feel like the most important person in the world. Most of all I have learned from my mom that unconditional love is the most important trait that I want to cultivate as a mother, and my greatest desire is to have a heart as big as my mom's.

The other amazing mother in my life is my mother-in-law. She has raised an amazing group of children, and I am eternally grateful to her for all of the wonderful qualities that she instilled into (at least) one of her sons. She is an example to me of hard work, of appreciating a job well done, and of focusing on those things that are most important in life.

This year, especially, I have become aware of the many sacrifices that go into being a mother, most of which stem from your enormous wish that you can give this child in your arms all that he deserves. In those moments when you want to be the best mother you can but have absolutely no idea how, I look to and am grateful for the examples I have been given from these amazing mothers.

Do you believe in Fates?

I was lucky enough last week to have a birthday, the only downside of which turns out to be that my drivers license expired, which means that today I had the lovely opportunity to pack up James to head off to the DMV.

The Department of Motor Vehicles is one of those places where, I am convinced, the Fates work against you. I don't know how they do it, and I don't believe that they work against me only, but I am convinced that they delight in thwarting your every move to make it through with your patience intact.

Upon first arrival at the DMV, I pull into the too-small parking lot at nearly the same time as at least 6 other cars. All of us begin circling around looking for spots -- of which there are none. After searching for a solid 10 minutes I finally find a spot at the furthest end of the lot. As I hulk my 50-lb carseat with baby and diaper bag in tow, the line of cars looking for parking has disappeared and I, of course, pass 3 open spots on my way into the building.

Once inside the DMV the first thing I notice is the long line of people waiting for a number. I, luckily, made an appointment "to save time," but alas the line for people with appointments (that currently ends right at the door) is even longer than the line for people without appointments. As I stand, still carrying the 50 pounds of baby and carseat, I get to watch the convenient monitor that tells you how long the wait time is at every nearby DMV ... all of which are, of course, shorter than the one I'm at.

Once I receive my number I then get to wait ... and wait ... and wait. About 40 minutes later, the number right before mine comes up. I get excited and wait for them to shortly call my number. Another 5-7 minutes goes by before finally my number is called, followed shortly by the 5 numbers after mine. As I pass the original line (which had been all the way to the door) I can't help but notice that it is now empty. After some review, my paperwork luckily passes inspection, I pay my fee and am told to move to Line C ... which currently ends at the back wall. I lug the carseat (now filled with the diaper bag because the baby is now in my arms) to the end of the line, and every 30 seconds I move it another 2 feet forward with the line.

When I get to the front of Line C, they take my picture and give me my test. With sleeping baby in one arm, I take the test (carefully, so that I don't fail and have to come back again to the DMV), and then move to Line D, which reaches only halfway to the back wall (though is now longer than Line C that now consists of about 5 people). But, courage! I am nearly to the end of my trek, and I patiently try to smile back at the sympathetic looks people give me when they see my adorable sleeping baby in my arms and think optimistically of how many muscles I am building by carrying around 20 pounds of dead weight for over an hour ... instead of thinking about how quiet the DMV has suddenly gotten, how short all of the lines I have already gone through are, and why didn't I come at 11:30 in the morning rather than 9:55?

And so, Fates, you may have won a few small battles along the way, but in the end my quest was successful, I am now a licensed California driver, and I don't have to return to your pernicious playground for another 5 years!

Family Resemblances

While we were in Utah a couple of weeks ago we got to compare how James fits in with the family. Basically, we found a few family resemblances:

1. He looks crazy similar to the baby pictures of my baby brother Christian at the same age.
2. Other than the fact that they're both big big babies, he doesn't look a whole lot like his closest cousin Marshall (though they sure liked getting to know each other!)
3. Even though he takes after my side of the family a lot, he has definitely inherited that super smile of his from his Grandpa Felt!
   

(oh yeah, and his taste in clothes!)

Despite what you hear ... the rumors are true.

I've heard there's a rumor circulating about that I'm turning 30 today. I can't imagine where that would have come from, given the fact that I know that Jon turned 28 last month and I am determined that you are only as old as your spouse. Therefore, ...

Oh, okay, I'll confess - the rumors are true and I am 30'd. In all truth, I'm not feeling all that bad about admitting my age right now. I know that I dreaded 25, because it seemed so old, but really when I look back 25-30 have been the best years yet. I'm going to take that as a good omen for those "milestone" years. Everything I hear is that 30 is great. "You're in your prime," someone told me today.

So, bring it on ... I am welcoming 30 with open arms, and can't wait to see what the next decade has in store!

Family Time

Last week was my spring break, so James and I spent the week in Utah visiting family. He got to spend time with grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, and more! It was so fun to share his joy with so many loving family members.

While we were there, my amazingly talented cousin Arika did some photo shooting. She definitely captured his cute little personality!

Playing in the Grass

I came home from grocery shopping last Saturday to discover an empty house and two little boys playing on the grass (one of them for the first time!)

I sure do love those two!

Back to Work

I returned to work 2 weeks ago, and the transition has definitely been full of many new decisions, emotions, and challenges. I knew that it wouldn't be an easy thing, but I had no idea the variety of emotions that I've felt - both positive and negative - as I've had to leave little baby James 4 days a week. Even though it's been tough, though, there are a number of bright spots that have made the transition easier, including:

• having a job I like ... At least if I'm having to be at work instead of with my baby it's nice to be doing something that I enjoy and that feels useful.
  
• having a supportive work environment ... This has made such a difference! People at work have been not only welcoming as I've come back, but so so supportive of my new identity as a mom, and all of the changes in my focus and priorities that come along with that.
• having a child care provider that I know and trust ... I can't imagine the worry and sadness that I would feel if I wasn't positive that James would be just fine while I am away from him.
• the empathy of other moms who have returned to work ... So many women have reached out with their own understanding of how hard it is to leave your baby, along with their reassurances that it does get easier.
• the help and support of an amazing husband who is also an amazing dad ... Enough said!

I could list many other things for which I feel so grateful in the past few weeks, and which I am trying to focus on as I continue to maneuver this transition. But, suffice it to say that despite the difficulties, I do feel very blessed and am so grateful for so many things, not least of which is a happy healthy baby boy that continues to bring so much joy and light to my life!