"Is this thing on?" (...or my failed announcement on facebook)

Facebook and I have had a recent run-in, and I'm nearly convinced that it was really a plot to subvert my social confidence and make me way more analytical than I already am. (Warning: this is a long, fairly boring post, but if you really like me I promise to make it worth it in the end!)

So, have you ever posted something on Facebook and then gotten zero response? You know, you put your interesting picture, cute video, or witty status update out there on the wall - for everyone to see - and then you wait...

... You are, of course, waiting for that acknowledgement from the world that whatever it is you posted has meaning. Or maybe it's that somebody cares what you have to say. Or maybe it's just that instinctual need for validation (it started in middle school, but it never really went away) that you actually are cool.

You tell yourself otherwise - that you don't really care what people think - but you know that's not really true. You wait, watching for the "like" or comment to appear below, hoping that you don't go unnoticed.

I know I'm not the only one here, but I'm okay if you're not ready to fess up to it. I'm not afraid to confess that I've been there, and that recently I had to own up to my true facebook insecurities. I'm not a big "facebooker" - I check it regularly to see what people are up to, but I don't regularly post anything. But, over the past several weeks I've put a few things up - a witty status update here, a funny video of my child there, a major life announcement - you know, the usual fare. When nobody said anything about my witty status update I didn't think much of it. Okay, not true, I did wonder a little bit if what I said wasn't as interesting as I thought ... but other than that I didn't think much of it. When nobody said anything about my child's cute video, I wondered (I mean, I think he's awfully cute, but maybe I'm fooling myself). But when I finally decide to make my big announcement to the "world" and nobody says anything, I have to admit I started to take it personally! That was the point that I started to wonder about whether my "facebook friends" were my "real friends," or if I'd been hoodwinked into becoming just another tally in someone's friend count.

So, I decided to test it out - my "tap tap, is this thing on?" into the microphone, if you will. It felt a little pathetic, putting a request out there for people to please respond to one of my posts - kind of like I was begging for the world to pay attention to me. But, it worked, and people took the bait. Now, I was left in a whole new dilemma: If they could see this and comment when I begged them to ... did that mean my more subtle pleadings for social validation really had gone ignored, and that people really didn't care that much about my real life? Or, had they just gotten lost in the abyss of some corporate server, and no one could actually see them? If I reposted my cute video and big announcement, would I look like a loser begging for even more attention, or would people be happy to now have the chance to appreciate what I had thought they would all along?

Ah, the dilemmas... this is what you have led me to, facebook. I thought I was done with high school, but apparently it only continues in a new venue. I'm sure I'll get over it, but for a while I'm going to have to approach my facebook podium a little more cautiously - still overcoming the trauma and social angst I have felt.

Maybe I need therapy... In the meantime, I'll save my announcements for the not-all-that-different venue of blogging. But, I guess if you've survived my strange rantings so far, I can be assured that you are my "real friend," and that you really do care to know that we're excited to be looking forward to baby #2 in 6 short months! :)