Welcome Baby Lucy!

We welcomed a new baby girl into our family last Thursday. Weighing in at a whopping 8 lbs. 13 oz., Little Lucy has quickly won all our hearts!

Summer Upload

It feels like no sooner does summer finally begin, and then it's suddenly over already! As people at work ask, I've been saying we had a very busy summer - but good busy. It included...

Plenty of driving ... including through trees!

Early mornings (only if there was a really good reason to get up, though!)

Plenty of family time!

New adventures - like flying on noisy airplanes (it's okay if you hold hands)

Tractors (orange ones!) with birthday Papa

More crazy family time!

And a chance to see this gorgeous building for the first time ever!

... not to mention a few moments of wondering what a pregnant woman was doing exhausting herself by gallivanting about so much during her summer break (that would be me wondering)! But now we're home, and I'm fully committed to spending the next 4 weeks resting and prepping for a new baby (in between going back to work and taking care of a toddler, that is).

Baby Girl

Ummm, did I mention that we're having a baby girl come about September 20? Sorry, news reporting sometimes gets behind around here!

sorry the pics are upside down - technical trouble that I don't want to spend any more time on :)

James is thrilled he's getting a "baby sisser" - he's already allocated one of his blankets for her, and he tells me regularly that's why mommy's "tummy getting bigger" (I'm glad he doesn't say I'm just getting fat :)

Freckles

Around our house, we're pretty in love with a certain little boy's freckles. They sure are cute ... and the rest of him is quite a bit of fun also!

Here's a snapshot into a bit of what those freckles have been up to lately:

Popcorn and face-painting at the neighborhood carnival

Exploring spring - caterpillars, cocoons, and moths

His first overnight camping trip with Daddy!

Getting there

I'm nearing the end of that marathon again - the one that comes at the end of every school year. This one has been a doozy, I tell you, with all sorts of uphill climbs that I wasn't planning on (those elementary school kids sure do keep you on your toes). But, two weeks left, and summer can't come soon enough.

I've put up a new quote on my chalkboard wall that's helping me get through. It's one I came across from Pres. Uchtdorf recently, and even though it's simple, every day it's helping me keep things in perspective, remember what really matters, and feel reassured that it's all going to work out.

"What mattered to Heavenly Father was that I was doing the best I could, 

that my heart was inclined toward him, 

and that I was willing to help those around me. 

I knew if I did the best I could all would be well. 

And all was well."

(for the full talk, "You Matter to Him," link here)

Some Thoughts on Mothers' Day

Growing up, one of my biggest memories of Mothers’ Day was the fact that my mom actually hated the holiday. She really, really did not like Mothers’ Day, and I remember very often being so confused as a child how she could possibly dislike a day that was meant to celebrate her – I mean, the one special day I had was my birthday, and that was great! How could she dislike having a whole extra day to enjoy everyone’s attention, praise, and even gifts?

As I got older and heard her talk more about her feelings, I started to understand a bit better. She would comment that Mothers’ Day often left her feeling so inadequate – that it was a day that she was confronted head-on with all the things she thought, or heard others talk about, how a mother should be, and that she felt she wasn’t meeting up to. Even though hearing that I kind of understood, I still did not really get it. To me, she was an amazing mother, and I thought that she did meet up to all the expectations of what a mother should be. However, as I’ve gotten older, and have come to realize that as women we seem to have an instinct for inadequacy - as if we are innately programmed to believe that we are never doing enough, that we are never meeting the standard, or that we are never as good as the “woman next door, ” the Relief Society president, or the mom in the pew in front of us - I’ve really started to understand my mom’s feelings about Mothers’ Day.

It is a day of mixed feelings. Mixed with the intended joy and gratitude, there may also be feelings of inadequacy because of losing patience with active toddlers, or a working mom’s feelings of guilt because she isn’t home with her kids. Sometimes, it’s painful feelings stemming from lost opportunities – whether through tragedy or simply the passage of time – to be a mom, or because of never having had the opportunity to be a mom in the first place. But, over the years, as I’ve reflected on my own mother’s experience with Mothers’ Day, and in my hope to avoid feeling a similar level of mixed emotions on this annual day of celebration, I’ve decided there may be a better way to define “Mothers’ Day.”

I began to reflect, recently, on how different the connotations of the verb forms of “mother” and “father” are. It struck me that “to father” connotes something very short-term and somewhat impersonal – as in “to father a child.”  Whereas, “to mother” – with a few exceptions, such as when my husband pleads with me not to “mother” him – has such a deeper meaning of compassion, nurturing, and long-term love. Now I’m not saying that I agree with this cultural distinction of the apparent roles of mothers and fathers, but the difference is striking to me nonetheless, and I think that it can positively affect the way we think about and celebrate Mothers’ Day.

For most, saying “Happy Mothers’ Day!” probably typically means something along the lines of – “We’re happy you’re a Mom day!” In that meaning, we’re focusing on the noun form of “mother.” But if we were to think of “Happy Mothers’ Day,” instead focusing on the verb form of “mother,” it seems that we would be saying something more like, “Let’s take a moment to celebrate all the caring, compassionate, nurturing things that you, or I, or anyone has done for God’s children recently.” Taken this way, we are not only celebrating so many acts that mothers do, in fact, perform on a daily basis, but we are also celebrating the many ways in which so many around us bless our lives in similar ways. We’re celebrating the care and concern of a compassionate visiting teacher for the sisters she visits, we’re celebrating the teacher who nurtures a child’s hurt feelings, and we’re celebrating the deep love and support that friends share through good times and bad times.  When we celebrate Mothers’ Day in this way we are celebrating women – or even men – everywhere, who take time out of their lives, their schedules, and their priority list to put another’s needs first and try to make someone feel a little better about the figurative “skinned knee” that they might have gotten that day.

I definitely plan on calling my mom today and telling her how much I continue to appreciate all that she has done for me in the past, present, and future. But I also hope to take some time to appreciate the many people in my life who “mother” me, as well as to recommit myself to “mothering” – not only my own children, but anyone else who crosses my path who could use a kind word, a smile, or a tender hand to let them know that they are loved and cared for.

I believe that we are given mothers, and the opportunity “to mother,” in order that we can learn more about how to become perfect. Being a mother does not make me perfect, but as I learn “to mother” – giving up selfishness, letting go of pride, and consistently putting the needs of others before my own – I will become perfect. I believe that Jesus Christ is, in many ways, our perfect example of mothering. “As a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings,” He waits with open arms to “mother” us in our times of need, as well as to teach us how “to mother” in such a way that we can achieve the perfection, exaltation, and eternal joy that our Heavenly Father desires for us. My prayer on this Mothers' Day is that we may, as daughters of God, both receive and offer that perfect, perfecting mothers’ love.

Calm Breath

A happy boy with a full Easter basket!

One thing that I'm very aware of now as a mom are the ways the my professional life intersects with my parenting life. Working in schools as a psychologist definitely causes me to approach working with my own kids in a certain way - for good ... and for bad at times. I (very) frequently have to tell myself to stop over-analyzing each and every interaction I have as a mother, and just go with my gut. I have to reset my overly high expectations on occasion (i.e. all the time) - mostly my expectations of myself - and just allow myself to enjoy the ups and downs of the journey. On the good side, though, I think having the background I do does help me to approach parenting in a proactive, rather than entirely reactive, way, and I often appreciate  having access to a toolkit of ideas when I'm trying to figure out how to deal with a situation.

Recently, my "psychologist" side has come out as we've been trying to deal with James' increasing tendency to whine and get upset when he's not getting what he wants or when he's frustrated by something. It gets pretty annoying, pretty quickly, and my annoyance has led me to a number of not-so-effective interactions that usually only lead him to more and louder whining and crying in an effort to get my attention or give in. We've tried to consistently encourage him to "use your words" and to use "nice words" to some effect, but we've also recently hit on a new strategy that makes the psychologist in me burst with pride. :)

For a while, I've modeled using deep breaths to help calm down at the end of the day as we're getting ready for bed. He has sometimes joined in, but mostly I've figured that I'm just giving myself a moment to calm down and relax during that moment, rather than really teaching something that is useful to him at only two years old. But, I recently realized that he has been paying attention (a lesson I think I'll continue to learn!) when, in the midst of one whining cycle, I told James to tell me using "calm words" what he needed. Using the word "calm" seemed to hit a reminder in him, and I heard him stop and take a long, deep breath, then tell me a bit more effectively what he wanted. I was impressed with the effect his calm breath seemed to have, and so when the next whining moment came up, I prompted more explicitly this time to take a "calm breath" and then tell me what was wrong. Again, he stopped, took a slow breath, and then was able to tell me in a much more pleasant voice what the problem was. As we've continued to prompt (and praise) his calm breaths, we've noticed that he is able to consistently follow the prompt, that he's actually begun doing them on his own at times, and that sometimes when he takes the calm breath the problem either resolves itself or he's able to find his own solution without us actually intervening.

Although I'm sure this isn't something that will work for every two-year-old upset, I've been pleasantly surprised by how well James has taken to his "calm breaths" - and, I have to admit, just a little bit proud of how cute he is when he does them! :)

(I also can't help but laugh at myself a little each time I see it, because I can feel the stereotypes beginning to play out of my poor son with the psychologist as a mother!)