Calm Breath

A happy boy with a full Easter basket!

One thing that I'm very aware of now as a mom are the ways the my professional life intersects with my parenting life. Working in schools as a psychologist definitely causes me to approach working with my own kids in a certain way - for good ... and for bad at times. I (very) frequently have to tell myself to stop over-analyzing each and every interaction I have as a mother, and just go with my gut. I have to reset my overly high expectations on occasion (i.e. all the time) - mostly my expectations of myself - and just allow myself to enjoy the ups and downs of the journey. On the good side, though, I think having the background I do does help me to approach parenting in a proactive, rather than entirely reactive, way, and I often appreciate  having access to a toolkit of ideas when I'm trying to figure out how to deal with a situation.

Recently, my "psychologist" side has come out as we've been trying to deal with James' increasing tendency to whine and get upset when he's not getting what he wants or when he's frustrated by something. It gets pretty annoying, pretty quickly, and my annoyance has led me to a number of not-so-effective interactions that usually only lead him to more and louder whining and crying in an effort to get my attention or give in. We've tried to consistently encourage him to "use your words" and to use "nice words" to some effect, but we've also recently hit on a new strategy that makes the psychologist in me burst with pride. :)

For a while, I've modeled using deep breaths to help calm down at the end of the day as we're getting ready for bed. He has sometimes joined in, but mostly I've figured that I'm just giving myself a moment to calm down and relax during that moment, rather than really teaching something that is useful to him at only two years old. But, I recently realized that he has been paying attention (a lesson I think I'll continue to learn!) when, in the midst of one whining cycle, I told James to tell me using "calm words" what he needed. Using the word "calm" seemed to hit a reminder in him, and I heard him stop and take a long, deep breath, then tell me a bit more effectively what he wanted. I was impressed with the effect his calm breath seemed to have, and so when the next whining moment came up, I prompted more explicitly this time to take a "calm breath" and then tell me what was wrong. Again, he stopped, took a slow breath, and then was able to tell me in a much more pleasant voice what the problem was. As we've continued to prompt (and praise) his calm breaths, we've noticed that he is able to consistently follow the prompt, that he's actually begun doing them on his own at times, and that sometimes when he takes the calm breath the problem either resolves itself or he's able to find his own solution without us actually intervening.

Although I'm sure this isn't something that will work for every two-year-old upset, I've been pleasantly surprised by how well James has taken to his "calm breaths" - and, I have to admit, just a little bit proud of how cute he is when he does them! :)

(I also can't help but laugh at myself a little each time I see it, because I can feel the stereotypes beginning to play out of my poor son with the psychologist as a mother!)

"Is this thing on?" (...or my failed announcement on facebook)

Facebook and I have had a recent run-in, and I'm nearly convinced that it was really a plot to subvert my social confidence and make me way more analytical than I already am. (Warning: this is a long, fairly boring post, but if you really like me I promise to make it worth it in the end!)

So, have you ever posted something on Facebook and then gotten zero response? You know, you put your interesting picture, cute video, or witty status update out there on the wall - for everyone to see - and then you wait...

... You are, of course, waiting for that acknowledgement from the world that whatever it is you posted has meaning. Or maybe it's that somebody cares what you have to say. Or maybe it's just that instinctual need for validation (it started in middle school, but it never really went away) that you actually are cool.

You tell yourself otherwise - that you don't really care what people think - but you know that's not really true. You wait, watching for the "like" or comment to appear below, hoping that you don't go unnoticed.

I know I'm not the only one here, but I'm okay if you're not ready to fess up to it. I'm not afraid to confess that I've been there, and that recently I had to own up to my true facebook insecurities. I'm not a big "facebooker" - I check it regularly to see what people are up to, but I don't regularly post anything. But, over the past several weeks I've put a few things up - a witty status update here, a funny video of my child there, a major life announcement - you know, the usual fare. When nobody said anything about my witty status update I didn't think much of it. Okay, not true, I did wonder a little bit if what I said wasn't as interesting as I thought ... but other than that I didn't think much of it. When nobody said anything about my child's cute video, I wondered (I mean, I think he's awfully cute, but maybe I'm fooling myself). But when I finally decide to make my big announcement to the "world" and nobody says anything, I have to admit I started to take it personally! That was the point that I started to wonder about whether my "facebook friends" were my "real friends," or if I'd been hoodwinked into becoming just another tally in someone's friend count.

So, I decided to test it out - my "tap tap, is this thing on?" into the microphone, if you will. It felt a little pathetic, putting a request out there for people to please respond to one of my posts - kind of like I was begging for the world to pay attention to me. But, it worked, and people took the bait. Now, I was left in a whole new dilemma: If they could see this and comment when I begged them to ... did that mean my more subtle pleadings for social validation really had gone ignored, and that people really didn't care that much about my real life? Or, had they just gotten lost in the abyss of some corporate server, and no one could actually see them? If I reposted my cute video and big announcement, would I look like a loser begging for even more attention, or would people be happy to now have the chance to appreciate what I had thought they would all along?

Ah, the dilemmas... this is what you have led me to, facebook. I thought I was done with high school, but apparently it only continues in a new venue. I'm sure I'll get over it, but for a while I'm going to have to approach my facebook podium a little more cautiously - still overcoming the trauma and social angst I have felt.

Maybe I need therapy... In the meantime, I'll save my announcements for the not-all-that-different venue of blogging. But, I guess if you've survived my strange rantings so far, I can be assured that you are my "real friend," and that you really do care to know that we're excited to be looking forward to baby #2 in 6 short months! :)

More Crafties (...or... discovering the joys of chalkboard paint)

In an effort to liven up our dining room wall, I came up with this project that consists of four 14-in square canvases and some chalkboard paint. All in all the project totaled about $45, and we now have endless possibilities for dining room art (and interesting conversation starters for dinner time).

(One note: I'd recommend the canned chalkboard paint - I found it at the hardware store, rather than the craft store - you get a LOT more bang for your buck, and I felt a lot more comfortable using it over spray paint.)

Craftiness

I've had a bit of a surge of craftiness lately, due mostly, I think, to my introduction to Pinterest (if you're on it, you know what I'm talking about!) It's been fun to have some new ideas to tickle my creativity. I've also been pretty proud of some of the things I've created as a result, so I thought I'd share:

 DIY personalized gift plate (inspiration here)

Pine cone door hanger (inspiration here)

 Felt finger puppet nativity (inspiration here)

Christmas cake balls (inspiration here and here)

There are a couple of others that just haven't gotten pics yet, but don't worry, I will be sharing when I take pics of my other crafty projects!

2011's Top 12

Given that I went m.i.a. from blogging for a good portion of 2011, I figured it was only right that I start 2012 out on the right foot by giving a recap of some random highlights from our happy year...

January -- Happy Chinese New Year from James!

February -- Happy Valentine's to Daddy! (from James, again)

March -- Not so happy, not sure why (also from James)

April-June -- Happy Hiking time now that Jon passed his oral exam!

June - Happy Half-Marathon! (Not my prettiest moment, but I figure completing a half-marathon is worth posting a gross, sweaty picture of yourself on the internet)

July -- Happy Wedding Day, Kaitlyn and Jordan! (check out those adorable cake balls!)

August -- Happy Vacation, Mommy and Daddy! (Thanks to Grandma Ami!)

(more) August -- Happy this-could-only-happen-in-Mexico vacation ... holding baby sea turtles!

also August - Happy Green Night! (complete with everything green salad, green treats, and the Incredible Hulk)

November -- Happy New Camera so that I can start making up for lost time!

December - Happy Family Time!

Happy here we go into 2012!

I hope your 2011 was a happy one, and that 2012 is even more, as James likes to say, "Hap"!!!

Just the 3 of Us

I am this close to giving a thorough new year update about our 2011 adventures. But, I'm not quite there yet, so in the meantime I have to share some fun photos my awesome sister took for us while we were visiting Utah. (She's so talented! ... and our new camera wasn't too shabby either :)

Happy Birthday, Sir James!

As promised, here I am to really wish our big boy a happy birthday! As any parent of a 2-year-old boy could probably guess, we celebrated with a weekend full of trains...

Trains to ride

And trains to play

And lots of fun in between.

I can't believe the little guy is such a big guy now! He is such a good kid, that makes us laugh and smile on a continuous basis. We ask ourselves on a regularly if we are doing something right as parents, or if we just got really lucky. Either way, we love our little man!